DIY MATRIMONIAL NETWORK

DIY Tales – It’s nice to be independent.

I have been living alone all by myself. One of the reason I do that is I don’t like to be dependent on any body and I want a place of my own. It’s nice to be independent. I think I have crossed the stage of living with any body. Being independent for me means, I will get to do things with out having support from anyone else, what ever I want to do, I will get it done myself.

DIY-Tales-malini

A matrimony of caste prejudices.

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We are merely starting a conversation. Not a new one. Not old either. But never irrelevant. Especially in a country with as many diverse cultures, customs, castes and religions. A country where marriage means meeting of two families, their beliefs, their social status, horoscopes and then finally maybe, if there’s a little room left, two individuals. Or maybe not.

 

We can blame it on our family, our parents to be more precise. “It’s perhaps because they’ve been brought up with that thought process. They’ve lived the ‘caste-driven’ life. They have never thought beyond the orthodox ways of life. Human beings have inertia/resistance for change, be it in any form.”

 

Agreed. But does that mean you stick to it? Who then will change the system?
We can even blame society. “Caste system is prevalent for centuries. People were discriminated based on religion, based on skin color in the west. It was common practice to marry someone in the same category of the caste and of the same religion. It was a custom. People are changing this notion and are now welcoming inter caste or religion marriages. People are more aware now. There were examples in history where people made bold moves to marry someone they loved irrespective of religion barriers. Sadly however it still prevails in some of the minds in our country this evil of caste and religion discrimination.”

 

Caste system continues to plague our society in spite of so called progress. Thanks to media, it might have reduced but stories of suicides and honor killing continue.

 

Then again there are stories of Christian and Hindu weddings (unheard of before) where they end up respecting both religions and have two different weddings. People combine their beliefs and learn to lead a new life together. However, this is only true of love marriages. But in arranged or arranged-love marriages the first filter is still religion/caste. What about you? Would you be willing to break this mind block and re-look at your own prejudice, remove the filter and find someone you love, even if they belong to a different caste or religion?

Singles against awkward arranged marriage meetings.

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Looking for a conversation starter? Nothing beats a good old ‘how I met my prospective bride or groom that my folks found off the world wide web’ story. What follows is tales of awkward silences, embarrassing questions and hurried decisions at gun point (feels like it anyway). In fact the market is full of books on the same topic. “I have many crazy experiences about the prospective  groom and his family visiting me. I could probably write a book on this”, says Kirthika, a teacher.

Makes one wonder why we’re torturing ourselves to do the most naturally romantic thing in the world doesn’t it? Don’t let that throw you off marriages or all matrimonial sites altogether. If anything, question the idea of love, marriage, of the need to rely on your parents to find you a match and the need to get to know the person before jumping into marriage.

Srijesh, a graphic designer says, “One of my most awkward arranged marriage meetings was when after a couple of rounds of questions her parents urged my parents to leave the room  to “let them talk”. My parents and I exchanged a glance, and they left the room. Just as I was sitting alone with the girl hoping to talk with her, her mother storms in saying that the girl and boy should not be left alone. And that we must ignore her and talk as if she wasn’t there.  How was I supposed to ignore a woman standing by my side and breathing down my neck?Hopefully self arranged marriages will bring a change, give a chance to have a better understanding of the person you are going to marry and avoid awkward meetings like these”.

Wedeterna allows you an interactive, user-friendly online platform to really get to know the person before deciding if you even like them enough to meet. Rest assured, you can then choose to meet only the one who you like, skipping all the awkwardness completely. Its fun interface means it isn’t boring or all about statistics. In fact it’s one matrimonial site that lets you be yourself. Being yourself lets others see who you really and and fall in love with you. Because one thing people seem to be forgetting in all this arranged marriage mayhem is that marriage still needs to start with love.

Joshi, a software professional says, “To me, one of the most unexciting parts of traditional arranged marriage is when the girl and guy meet for the first time arranged by their parents, they are left alone to talk for a few minutes. And there they decide whether they like each other or not. If yes, they get married, otherwise they continue looking for another girl/guy.”

The clinical nature of these meetings, takes all the love out. Agreed! Which is why singles should opt for the next best alternative, a self-arranged marriage, and look for a person whose qualities they respect, someone they can picture growing old with and most importantly, someone they love. Because there’s nothing awkward about love.

Meet Meeti Shroff Shah

Meet Meeti Shroff Shah who isn’t what you’d call ‘meeti’ (sweet in Hindi) when it comes to expressing her thoughts on arranged marriage in her book ‘Do You Know Any Good Boys: A woman’s guide to arranged marriage. So when we heard of her book and figured it deals with a topic so close to our heart, we decided to pick her brains some more.

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But before we share our exploits, here’s a little more about her and the book. Besides being an author, Meeti is also a copywriter, travel writer and a first-rate taboo player.

In her book she attempts to guide  readers step by step, on how to brave the process of the modern Indian arranged marriage and emerge triumphant, with spirit intact and ring finger appropriately bedecked. What we loved most however were the stories of “first dates” with forty odd strangers in the hopes of finding a life partner. Now hear the rest from the horses mouth and don’t forget to grab a copy of the book.

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Advice to women looking to get married

I’d say, to approach the task of finding a life partner with an open mind and a willing heart. And if they’re looking to get married the arranged way, then to hang on to that sense of humour. It can come very handy.


We know you have many but if you had to pick, your most awkward arranged marriage moment? 

When a guy I went to meet, turned out to be all of 35 kilos and a couple of inches shorter than me! It was awkward. Both of us knew from the word go, that this wouldn’t work out, but we had to go through all the motions of the first date, for appearances sake. No pun intended.


Wedeterna is for people who are looking at a self arranged marriage. Which means all profiles are self created, and not by parents. Do you think it’s better than other matrimonial sites, If so how and why?

The idea that the profile is self-created certainly sounds great. It would mean that individuals are actively interested in getting married and that when you approach someone after reading their profile, the chances that they turn out to be similar to how they’ve described themselves are high.

 


 The qualities that made you fall in love with your husband?

He has a great sense of humour.


 

If you were to create a profile on our site what would it read like?

 

– If you could ask everyone on the planet one question, what would that be?

          What makes you laugh?

When was the last time you did something for the first time? 

         Last week. I went white water rafting in Rishikesh.

– One song that you would listen for the rest of your life to?

          That’s a hard question. But if there’s one song I keep going back to, it is, Gulzaar’s Dil toh baccha hai ji.

– If you have 2 hours free in your day, what do you choose to do? 

         I have a baby now. So two whole hours, where I’m free to do what I want, hasn’t actually happened in a while. But if I did have that kind of time, I’d read. I find I never have enough time to read everything I want to read.

– If you could teleport yourself somewhere, anywhere, where would that be and why? 

         Hogwarts. I haven’t been able to get over the idea of a school that teaches you magic. Even as an adult, I find that world immensely fascinating.

DIY Tales – Love means freedom to me.

Love means freedom to me. The freedom to be myself. So far I have dated younger people but I have also dated older people. But prefer older people. Because i think older people are more interesting. At least in India the younger guys have a lots of growing up to do.  There is a friend of mine in Germany, he’s an artist. So for my birthday he drew a whole of cartoon strip of how we met, how we became friends and the thing we did together. He framed it to me and sent it to me. That’s one of the most thoughtful thing somebody has done for me.

Tale-Sridevi

DIY Tales – When you feel like someone can rule you or take care of you then it’s the right person.

I’m a farmer. I have a retail outlet in Bangalore. I talked with my wife on yahoo chat 15 years ago. And I met her in 2004 then I got married in 2005. It’s 2015 now. I have two kids.
When you feel like someone can rule you or take care of you then it’s the right person. It’s always because we need someone and if you feel like someone can actually control you then it’s the right person. That’s how I feel.

Tales-11

DIY Tales – I have been with my wife for 23 years, it’s difficult to imagine my life without her.

“I have been with my wife for 23 years, it’s difficult to imagine my life without her. Evolution of love is so beautiful, it grows so much it is very difficult to quantify it or express in words. Five years ago we decided to come to India and it’s the most crazy country in the world. I come from Europe, its culture is mixed with economy. And then you have India, it’s a mix of spirituality, commerce and the blend in India is crazy. I was 26 when I came to India for the first time. And after a couple of months itself India caught on to me. We have traveled around in India so much. I have an uncle living in Tamil Nadu, so first time I came to Tamil Nadu I went to visit my uncle. We had no idea what to expect from India. Then we started traveling around. And we always discover something we never expect. That is the attraction of India” Tale-David