We are merely starting a conversation. Not a new one. Not old either. But never irrelevant. Especially in a country with as many diverse cultures, customs, castes and religions. A country where marriage means meeting of two families, their beliefs, their social status, horoscopes and then finally maybe, if there’s a little room left, two individuals. Or maybe not.
We can blame it on our family, our parents to be more precise. “It’s perhaps because they’ve been brought up with that thought process. They’ve lived the ‘caste-driven’ life. They have never thought beyond the orthodox ways of life. Human beings have inertia/resistance for change, be it in any form.”
Agreed. But does that mean you stick to it? Who then will change the system?
We can even blame society. “Caste system is prevalent for centuries. People were discriminated based on religion, based on skin color in the west. It was common practice to marry someone in the same category of the caste and of the same religion. It was a custom. People are changing this notion and are now welcoming inter caste or religion marriages. People are more aware now. There were examples in history where people made bold moves to marry someone they loved irrespective of religion barriers. Sadly however it still prevails in some of the minds in our country this evil of caste and religion discrimination.”
Caste system continues to plague our society in spite of so called progress. Thanks to media, it might have reduced but stories of suicides and honor killing continue.
Then again there are stories of Christian and Hindu weddings (unheard of before) where they end up respecting both religions and have two different weddings. People combine their beliefs and learn to lead a new life together. However, this is only true of love marriages. But in arranged or arranged-love marriages the first filter is still religion/caste. What about you? Would you be willing to break this mind block and re-look at your own prejudice, remove the filter and find someone you love, even if they belong to a different caste or religion?
She is a very independent and rebellious kind of girl, a total non conformist. That’s what I like, it’s what I love. She doesn’t go with social norms. Which I don’t either. We have lots in common. The funny thing is we fight a lot, even while on the way to Gokarna we fought a lot. But ultimately we fall in love again. #DIYTales
Meet Meeti Shroff Shah who isn’t what you’d call ‘meeti’ (sweet in Hindi) when it comes to expressing her thoughts on arranged marriage in her book ‘Do You Know Any Good Boys: A woman’s guide to arranged marriage. So when we heard of her book and figured it deals with a topic so close to our heart, we decided to pick her brains some more.
But before we share our exploits, here’s a little more about her and the book. Besides being an author, Meeti is also a copywriter, travel writer and a first-rate taboo player.
In her book she attempts to guide readers step by step, on how to brave the process of the modern Indian arranged marriage and emerge triumphant, with spirit intact and ring finger appropriately bedecked. What we loved most however were the stories of “first dates” with forty odd strangers in the hopes of finding a life partner. Now hear the rest from the horses mouth and don’t forget to grab a copy of the book.
I’d say, to approach the task of finding a life partner with an open mind and a willing heart. And if they’re looking to get married the arranged way, then to hang on to that sense of humour. It can come very handy.
When a guy I went to meet, turned out to be all of 35 kilos and a couple of inches shorter than me! It was awkward. Both of us knew from the word go, that this wouldn’t work out, but we had to go through all the motions of the first date, for appearances sake. No pun intended.
The idea that the profile is self-created certainly sounds great. It would mean that individuals are actively interested in getting married and that when you approach someone after reading their profile, the chances that they turn out to be similar to how they’ve described themselves are high.
He has a great sense of humour.
What makes you laugh?
Last week. I went white water rafting in Rishikesh.
That’s a hard question. But if there’s one song I keep going back to, it is, Gulzaar’s Dil toh baccha hai ji.
I have a baby now. So two whole hours, where I’m free to do what I want, hasn’t actually happened in a while. But if I did have that kind of time, I’d read. I find I never have enough time to read everything I want to read.
Hogwarts. I haven’t been able to get over the idea of a school that teaches you magic. Even as an adult, I find that world immensely fascinating.
“To maintain a certain level of spirituality in this world, you should have a personal conviction and personal understanding. The society which you live in influences so much.”
“Communication is the key for a stable marriage. You have to make time to communicate and you have to take the effort to
communicate. Better than bottling it up and being passive aggressive, is to communicate.”
“I think the sweetest moments are when you do these nonsensical and nobrainer things together. Like when you go shopping or the kind of simple choices which you make together it really helps in bonding. We love to cook together and bake together. Every once in a while when I come back from Bangalore to Chennai, I usually reach there at 5am, he would wake up and come all the way to see me and get me breakfast. That’s really sweet of him.”
I’m a farmer. I have a retail outlet in Bangalore. I talked with my wife on yahoo chat 15 years ago. And I met her in 2004 then I got married in 2005. It’s 2015 now. I have two kids.
When you feel like someone can rule you or take care of you then it’s the right person. It’s always because we need someone and if you feel like someone can actually control you then it’s the right person. That’s how I feel.
“I can’t forget the moment I finished my graduation and met my friends for the last time. It was a phase when I was growing into a man. The last few moments with my entire bunch of friends who had become family, one that I chose. The sense of being together for the last time. That was one thing that changed my life and the way I look at things. It gave me a new perspective. I was the lead vocalist in my band back in college. When I sing or compose music I feel like a different person. I feel like a much more relaxed, calm person.”
Most of the cases, in many Indian families there are lots of restrictions like, girls shouldn’t work after marriage, because of this I feel love marriages are better than arranged marriages. Because you get an idea about how your future family is going to be and you get to know about your future partner who you are going to spend the rest of your life with.