The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. – Lao Tzu
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. – Lao Tzu
“In my experience you realize, you are in love only after it happens. In my experience it ended in a bad way. People should be given more freedom, fall in love and then marry. I study agriculture in university. I came to India to volunteer because i want to work in Karnataka. I want to know how people live and also wanna how they make agriculture. Now it’s a strange time for farming because people think the method of agriculture isn’t the right way, so they trying to make agriculture in an another way like respecting the nature. so i think it’s a good moment to come back to agriculture.”
“I visited Gokarna to stay for a day, but I met her and she’s great company, so I ended up staying here for three days. I’m on a bike trip all over India.”
“I came to India to teach yoga. I have been teaching yoga for 20 years. After this I will go to Mysore. I want to spend two to three days there before going back to Spain. I think Love is a state of mind and happiness.”
We are merely starting a conversation. Not a new one. Not old either. But never irrelevant. Especially in a country with as many diverse cultures, customs, castes and religions. A country where marriage means meeting of two families, their beliefs, their social status, horoscopes and then finally maybe, if there’s a little room left, two individuals. Or maybe not.
We can blame it on our family, our parents to be more precise. “It’s perhaps because they’ve been brought up with that thought process. They’ve lived the ‘caste-driven’ life. They have never thought beyond the orthodox ways of life. Human beings have inertia/resistance for change, be it in any form.”
Agreed. But does that mean you stick to it? Who then will change the system?
We can even blame society. “Caste system is prevalent for centuries. People were discriminated based on religion, based on skin color in the west. It was common practice to marry someone in the same category of the caste and of the same religion. It was a custom. People are changing this notion and are now welcoming inter caste or religion marriages. People are more aware now. There were examples in history where people made bold moves to marry someone they loved irrespective of religion barriers. Sadly however it still prevails in some of the minds in our country this evil of caste and religion discrimination.”
Caste system continues to plague our society in spite of so called progress. Thanks to media, it might have reduced but stories of suicides and honor killing continue.
Then again there are stories of Christian and Hindu weddings (unheard of before) where they end up respecting both religions and have two different weddings. People combine their beliefs and learn to lead a new life together. However, this is only true of love marriages. But in arranged or arranged-love marriages the first filter is still religion/caste. What about you? Would you be willing to break this mind block and re-look at your own prejudice, remove the filter and find someone you love, even if they belong to a different caste or religion?
Looking for a conversation starter? Nothing beats a good old ‘how I met my prospective bride or groom that my folks found off the world wide web’ story. What follows is tales of awkward silences, embarrassing questions and hurried decisions at gun point (feels like it anyway). In fact the market is full of books on the same topic. “I have many crazy experiences about the prospective groom and his family visiting me. I could probably write a book on this”, says Kirthika, a teacher.
Makes one wonder why we’re torturing ourselves to do the most naturally romantic thing in the world doesn’t it? Don’t let that throw you off marriages or all matrimonial sites altogether. If anything, question the idea of love, marriage, of the need to rely on your parents to find you a match and the need to get to know the person before jumping into marriage.
Srijesh, a graphic designer says, “One of my most awkward arranged marriage meetings was when after a couple of rounds of questions her parents urged my parents to leave the room to “let them talk”. My parents and I exchanged a glance, and they left the room. Just as I was sitting alone with the girl hoping to talk with her, her mother storms in saying that the girl and boy should not be left alone. And that we must ignore her and talk as if she wasn’t there. How was I supposed to ignore a woman standing by my side and breathing down my neck?Hopefully self arranged marriages will bring a change, give a chance to have a better understanding of the person you are going to marry and avoid awkward meetings like these”.
Wedeterna allows you an interactive, user-friendly online platform to really get to know the person before deciding if you even like them enough to meet. Rest assured, you can then choose to meet only the one who you like, skipping all the awkwardness completely. Its fun interface means it isn’t boring or all about statistics. In fact it’s one matrimonial site that lets you be yourself. Being yourself lets others see who you really and and fall in love with you. Because one thing people seem to be forgetting in all this arranged marriage mayhem is that marriage still needs to start with love.
Joshi, a software professional says, “To me, one of the most unexciting parts of traditional arranged marriage is when the girl and guy meet for the first time arranged by their parents, they are left alone to talk for a few minutes. And there they decide whether they like each other or not. If yes, they get married, otherwise they continue looking for another girl/guy.”
The clinical nature of these meetings, takes all the love out. Agreed! Which is why singles should opt for the next best alternative, a self-arranged marriage, and look for a person whose qualities they respect, someone they can picture growing old with and most importantly, someone they love. Because there’s nothing awkward about love.
“We think our karma with each other is not over and it’s going to be there for a really long time. We’ve known each other and we’ve traveled together and lived together. And you know there is too much of closeness between us. Don’t think we can go our separate ways now. Even in holidays it’s very hard for us to stay without texting each other. Friendships do last a long time. True friendship, it passes the test of time. And we’ve been together and we take care of each other. We live far away from home and our friends are all we have. We have to take care of each other and look after each other. So if that bond is formed it lasts forever.”
“I can’t forget the moment I finished my graduation and met my friends for the last time. It was a phase when I was growing into a man. The last few moments with my entire bunch of friends who had become family, one that I chose. The sense of being together for the last time. That was one thing that changed my life and the way I look at things. It gave me a new perspective. I was the lead vocalist in my band back in college. When I sing or compose music I feel like a different person. I feel like a much more relaxed, calm person.”
We’ve been married for 6 years and we met online. We have a basic level of understanding with each other. It might not be a quality but we are willing to give each other space. We are not a couple that has to do everything together, people should do what they want to do. As far as online matrimonial sites are concerned, if you create your own profile and go through it yourself, it works. If someone else is doing it for you then it doesn’t really work.